i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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