No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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