Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
