I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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