I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
