guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
