It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
