you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
