Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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