You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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