Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
