Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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