All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize