Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
