Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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