11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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