Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
