Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
