Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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