Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
