i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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