It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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