I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
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He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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