Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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