They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
