I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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