It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
