well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just pee around me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize