Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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