I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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