sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
