My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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