I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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