Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
