i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
