Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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