If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
