He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
