he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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