You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
