tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
