Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Of course I have a pirate flag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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