i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
one might say we're banned from that church
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
