sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
