Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
