I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize