i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood