No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment