he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.