just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(