so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.