i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.