so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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