Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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