After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize