yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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