I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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