I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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