ugly people sure do ruin things
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
